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Question Number: 529

Personal Statement for Applying Graduate SchoolMy major is management science in the econ department. This major is a quantitative major in applied economics with a management focus. The reason why I chose this major is I want to focus on asset management and investment management. And this major is the one which can meet my requirement. When I was a child, I already showing a big interest in business and finance. Not only investment, but I am also want to have my startup business. I think I am imbued with my parents. They are all having their own business in Hong Kong and China. My family company is involved in different industries. Therefore, I have many chances to know different industries and finding the industries that I am interested in. Finally, I found out I want to engage in the financial industry. My dream job is getting into top tier investment bank or asset management company such as Blackrock, Goldman Sach, and Morgan Stanley. I know it is very tough for me because those companies are extreme competitive wherever. Not only these companies, but the finance industry is also intense competition. So I want to take the master degree course in investment management in Hong Kong University of Science and Technology(HKUST).Hong Kong is a perfect place for me to study finance. There are many instructors in Hong Kong are well-known in finance and they have many contributions. For example, Hong Kong is a financial center. There are a lot of financial firms. During the time I study in Hong Kong, I can have an internship in a top-tier firm in finance. An internship can help me have a deep insight into the finance industry and the job I want to work. In the period I study in HKUST, I will take chartered financial analyst(CFA) exam. I know that passing the CFA exam can help me a lot in my career path. I can make the best of my time when I am studying at university. I want to get in the asset management company and being the buy-side rather than sales and trading or IPO. I think being a buy-side in Asset management company is showing that I have the ability and vision to make the best decision in investing. Buy-side need to take the majority of responsibility in an investment because they are the one who used money from the clients. Clients are willing to trust them because they are experts in investment. Compare to the other positions in the investment industry, buy-side is very challenge and tough because their salary is linking up with their performance. I think buy-side is fully meet my personality. I love challenges and I have a strong sense of responsibility. The reason why I am not going to work after I finish my bachelor because I think I am not well-prepared for this extremely competitive industry. In the period that achieving the master degree, I can prepare a lot for my further job. Therefore, I will not go to work after my undergraduate. Before I applying to your school, I did some research. Fintech is still a new concept for the financial industry and it will be playing an important rule in the future. I want to have one step ahead of the others. Also, I think there is something making HKUST students are standing out, so I choose to apply HKUST. As the only child in the family, the world around me is often taken cared of. Friends and family constantly convinced me that life in the USA will be difficult and stressful, not to mention the language barrier that usually takes place. Furthermore, many of my peers demonstrated a real-life example of how earning the cost to attend college alone is already stressful enough. The fear is there, but I quickly overcame this and found a solution. I was not going to let obstacles stand in my way to achieve higher education and to see the world. While waiting for the opportunity to study abroad, every day I prepared myself as if I am studying in the USA. For example, I interned at Skymillion Group Limited, acting as a foreign business representative to sharpen my conversational ability. English is not my native tongue, but through extensive verbal and writing practices, many mistakenly take me for an American Born Chinese.My perseverance, my pursuit of excellence, and my readiness to challenge limits over time have prepared me to succeed in the coming future. I wish I can achieve my goal through the study in HKUST and being a person who plays a pivotal role in the financial industry.Paragraph 1 commentMy major is management science in the econ department. This major is a quantitative major in applied economics with a management focus. The reason why I chose this major is I want to focus on asset management and investment management. And this major is the one which can meet my requirement.Where is the hook? Think about the first thing your reader sees and how to get their interest. I think I am imbued with my parentsI think I am imbued with my parentsNO thesisParagraph 2 comment Do not just list qualities or experiences. They should be organized so they tell a story and reinforce your good qualities. Full commentThe grammatical errors and organizational issues are slowing down the reading. The first paragraph should tell me what you are applying for (position specifically), and why you are a good candidate. I did not see some of this info until the later paragraphs. Review each paragraph and sentence closely and make sure the flow and scaffolding of ideas is logical. A clearer introduction that explains the argument of the paper will help greatly. Maybe.. introducing why you are a good candidate in paragraph 1, then why you came to finance, then your good qualities, and bring it back with a concussion. A reverse outline could be very helpful. Be mindful of the economy of words, every word counts and so there is no need or room for fluff. What stories are worth highlighting and focusing on. Instead focus on your a few good qualities and why you are an ideal candidate.

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